wish list

1. polaroid camera
2. giant spandex squid





by roidrage



sometimes southern california wants to be western new york

I wear my sunglasses at night

some girls like shoes
some girls like bags
I like sunglasses












they will be mine. oh yes, they will be mine.


fredflare.com is my new favorite website




qu'est ce que le point?

IT'S ALMOST PROM

I wish they had it in red
but Celia said it's better to match your eyes than hair
























Frederick's Of Hollywood: for the best prom night ever.

oil!

James: isn't it interesting that No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood are the two front runners for the oscar and they both have virtually the same setting.
Praker: not if you re-cut one and tint it blue and put little wavy lines at the top of the screen. then it'd be underwater. toooootally different.



There Will Be Blood. definitely more entertaining than winter ball. especially with James and Praker.



one night, I'm gonna come inside your house, wherever you're sleeping, and I'm gonna cut your throat.

gothic

"groin vaults and rib vaults are the same thing," complained the slut; she always cried to the wrong people.

two parts

part I:

really just trying to hone in on cohesiveness. if anything is confusing, even just at first, I want to rework it so everything is super clear.

Two years ago, my mom went missing.
She accidentally stopped taking her antidepressants due to a pharmacy mix up, which altered her brain chemistry so much that one day she just left the house. It was raining, and she didn't even have any shoes on. I was the last to see her. She was heading for the door, but I didn’t realize anything was wrong. I didn’t even know she was depressed; the first time I heard about it was when my dad was explaining the situation to a police officer a few hours later.
The support we received from the community was amazing. I was surprised by how much strangers could care about someone they didn’t even know, and also by how much their help meant to me. Kids at my school hung up fliers all over the area, members of our synagogue helped us phone all the local hospitals, and our friends made sure we were able to eat, sleep, and keep functioning. My teachers even let me take my finals late.
My mom came back. She was cold, confused, and crying. It was hard lying on the bed with her, waiting for an ambulance. She had always been the one who told me that everything was going to be okay, but this time I was the one who had to tell her. Since then, I've focused much more on living my life and less on just getting through it. My grades dropped, yet I cared more about what I was learning. I used to fight with my younger sister all the time, but we became much closer, and I now consider her one of my best friends. I took up photography, and haven't put my camera down since. I think it’s amazing that I can capture an entire idea and emotion in a single image. I feel a need to document every moment and capture every feeling so I can always look back. I never know if something is going to change forever tomorrow. Maybe that change will be for the better, but I still want to remember how I got there.

part II:

yesterday I woke up with a stuffed up nose, that throughout the day turned into horrible sinus pain, mostly on the right side of my face. Mary says it's because a storm's coming, and the barometer is changing. I've been taking benadryl, which has kept my face from exploding, but made me extremely drowsy. I've had two weird dreams, I don't remember either very well, but they both were very vivid and very different.
the first was last night. it was something to do with Max. I don't remember exactly what happened, but it had something to do with me trying to mend something, him being horrible, and me getting very upset about it. he then got very angry at me for getting so upset, and made me feel even worse, like I should regret my reaction. since this is pretty much what has been happening for a year and a half, I woke up believing it, and felt like I should call him to apologize. it was frustrating because a) it wasn't real, and the reason I hate dreams is because they make me get upset about stuff that didn't even happen and b) even if it was real, it means that he still has this weird power over me. I don't understand it. I haven't talked to him in over a month, and I don't expect to talk to him any time soon. I wouldn't be surprised if I never heard from him again. so why does someone who's done so many horrible things to me still make me feel like shit, even in dreams?
I woke up at ten, but was still so tired I took a nap at noon for a few hours. the second dream was much better. it was summer, and wonderful. I can't remember much about it, but I know I was happy. we had graduated, I was going to college, it was sunny and I was light and free. again, I woke up believing it, and was very sad when I remembered it's the middle of winter. one part of it does bother me though. again, I can't remember exactly what it was, but know two of my friends were going to go do something, and since I had nothing to do but was up for an adventure as always, I wanted to be invited along. I felt horrible that they hadn't asked me, and I ended up tagging along myself, always trailing behind and feeling like some annoying little kid you couldn't get rid of. this ties into the Max thing. ever since that whole ordeal started, I haven't been able to trust people. I'm always paranoid that if I'm the one who initiates plans or always talks first it means that they would have never had anything to do with me in the first place, and don't actually want anything to do with me, they just don't want to hurt my feelings. I only feel truly comfortable with a few people, and I was friends with them before I met Max. it kills me that I can't make any new friends comfortably. I'm afraid to feel very close with anyone because I'm worried that they don't feel the same way. I try to hide it and try to accept that people really can like me, but in the end my paranoia and self consciousness almost always drives me to over think everything and break down. I like the terms first thoughts and second thoughts. first thoughts are like you're emotional side, the side you hear first and jump to identify with. second thoughts are your more reasonable side, but are harder to accept. my first thoughts tell me that no one really likes me, they all just feel sorry for me and are hoping that this annoying little girl will stop bugging them soon. my second thoughts say, no, you're a wonderful person, and those people hang out with you because of that, not because they don't want to hurt your feelings. which makes sense, I don't hang out with people who annoy me or I feel sorry for. but my first thoughts keep saying that everyone else does, that's why those people you don't like have other friends. it's a horrible cycle, and no matter what I do I can never seem to break it.

oops, that was really long. um... yeah... I'm just going to take another benadryl and go to bed.


I wish I was a free man in Paris

500 words or less

a start to my personal essay for SVA and CCA.

Almost exactly two years ago, my mom went missing. She accidentally stopped taking her antidepressants after a pharmacy mix up, which messed with her brain chemistry so much that she just left the house one day. It was raining, and she didn't even have any shoes on. I was the last to see her. Not only did I not know something was wrong right then, I hadn't known anything was wrong before that. I had no idea she was depressed until my dad was explaining it to the police officer at our house a few hours later. The support we received from the community was amazing. Not only friends were offering their help, but people we barely even knew. Kids at my school hung up fliers all over the bay, members of our synagogue helped us phone all the hospitals, and our friends made sure we ate, slept, and just were able to keep functioning. My teachers even let me take all my finals late since this was all happening the last week of the semester. My mom came back. She was cold, dirty, and crying. All I could think about lying on the bed with her waiting for the ambulance was the time she fainted in the shower when I was very young. Except this time, she wasn't the one saying everything was going to be ok, I was. I can't describe what happened to me after that. It's not something I can put in words, because I don't even know what it is. All I know is ever since then, I've focused so much more on living my life, and less on just getting through it. My grades dropped, yet it seemed like I cared more about what I was learning. I took up photography soon after that, and haven't put my camera down since. I feel this need to document every moment and every feeling, because who knows if something is going to change it forever tomorrow. Maybe that change will be for the good, but I still want to remember how I got there.


some questions I would have are:
any grammar issues?
what should I expand on or add?
is it cohesive, linear, and generally understandable?
is this a good topic, or should I wright about something else?



California, here I come. right back where I started from.

deja vu much?

I've been taking screen shots for my portfolio, because apparently this is the kind of thing you put in a portfolio...

today I took my photo

{click}


I broke my sunglasses

this one time in delaware

I sent some postcards.


















I called Stuart for his address, and talked to him for a bit after I wrote it down, and forgot to write in the rest. someone at the post office was kind enough to look it up and fill it in for me, though they seemed slightly resentful in the note they left...


supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

eating stars: a reflection

sometimes I feel like I get high just so I can appreciate being sober.
































soil, soil

oh and I'm feeling directionless yes
but that's to be expected
and I know that best

window shopping

a sweet story:
the girls I babysit just got a new kitten. when I was leaving the other night, I was talking about how cute the cat is with their mom. she told me that since Hannah's birthday is a few days before Christmas, they went down to the Macy's in San Francisco and went window shopping for a new kitten. the SPCA put kittens and puppies in the front windows for people to adopt, and over 2oo animals found homes this way.


it's the truth, it's actual, everything is going to be satisfactual.

adventure

after the field trip to the Legion of Honor my ap art history class went on yesterday, James, Parker and I got permission to stay behind in San Francisco. this is what happened when we took a trek down to find the beach:



San Francisco is the best

the smile list

in honor of my inspirational day, some things to be happy about when the bad things get me down:

1. I had an amazing day in San Francisco at the Legion of Honor. Parker, James and I stayed behind and went on an absolutely beautiful and awe inspiring hike down to the beach.

2. I'm going to Hawaii with Celia and Natalie this summer as a three way graduation present!

3. I had some pretty fun nights over the break feasting on stars with some really great people

4. I don't have to stress about college applications anymore

5. my photos from over break turned out well

6. the album Stay Awake: Various Interpretations of Music from Vintage Disney Films is fucking brilliant and makes me so happy

7. I finally have my senior quote!

8. dancing and singing and playing guitar when no one can see or hear me is super fun

9. I have a pretty pedicure

10. my dad wants me to have a computer at college, so he's going to get me an Apple laptop before I leave

there, now I have ten whole things to smile about when shit happens (which it will).










apparently I used to go to beaches like the one I went to today all the time when I was little.

last words

senior quote ideas:

it's business time
inspired by Flight of the Conchords

let me tell you about my boat
inspired by The Life Aquatic

stay awake
inspired by the song from Mary Poppins/the title of one of my favorite albums/advice about life

"I believe that humans and fish can coexist peacefully together."
George W. Bush Jr.

thoughts? thanks.


















are stars really bright, or is everything else just dark?

eating stars V

I might have just realized and thought of a cure for world hunger, but even if i did I can't remember anything I was just saying.





eating stars IV.V: thaaaaaank yooooooou!

angst is justifed

people tell you it's hard no matter what you do. one of my new year resolutions was to complain less, so obviously complaining about how hard you have it when everyone has it hard as well would be something I'd try to avoid. I'd just like to point something out though. my boss complains about how she works 16 hours a day almost everyday. my teachers complain about how hard it is to deal with students and grade papers and create lesson plans. my older friends complain about how hard college is and how much homework they have. I respect all these people, and even love some of them; I can't imagine doing what they do at this point in my life. the thing is though, one of the reasons I couldn't imagine it is because I'm still in fucking high school, and I don't have a choice about anything. all those people have chosen to take that path, knew what they were getting themselves into, are at least remotely interested in what they're doing, and if they really wanted to, could stop any time and do something else. I don't have that option. I either have to stay here, or drop out and lose everything. everyone else I know could just get another job, or go to a different school, but people won't even look at you without a high school diploma. so yes, of course I'll stay in school, of course I'll graduate, just don't tell me how much harder you have it, because at least you have a choice in the matter.

so apparently it's bitch week...

fuck you, Tyra

today I had three maybes in terms of what I was going to do and who I was going to do it with, yet somehow I still ended up watching america's next top model re-runs. I'm not ashamed to admit I like the show, I only watch the re-runs so I can do it on my own time, I fast forward through the commercials and the stupid girl drama, and what I'm really interested in is the art direction of the photography and all the amazing photographers from around the world. no matter what though, I'd still rather be hanging out with my friends. the sucky thing is though, since it took so long to figure out that two of the people couldn't do anything after all, it was too late to get together with the third. that's like, my biggest pet peeve. it's why Max and I broke up, he was afraid to hurt my feelings, so instead of saying anything, he just silently let it get worse and worse. that's an extreme example, but back to today, if people had just told me, "actually, I don't think I'm going to be up to doing anything today," or, "sorry, turns out I'm busy" it wouldn't have been that big a deal. but instead they say maybe, or nothing at all, and by the time I find all that out, everyone else has already made other plans and told me, "sorry, maybe if you asked earlier." well you know what, I would have asked earlier, but someone else had given me a maybe, and I didn't just want to ditch them in case it turned into a yes. but recently, there have only been no's. I try to plan ahead, and no one knows until the last minute; I try to do things at the last minute, and everyone has something already planned. and people ask me why I'm so anti-social...
sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. no, a really really big rant. if you can't tell, I'm having a really shitty day.
putting aside the fact that I can't stand my parents and they are the main reason for my shitty day, I would just like to mention that they watch top model with me. I hate it that they watch tv with me, but I can't tell them to leave because then they'd get all mad at me. so since I can't get them to leave, I just kind of laugh at the fact that most of the tv they watch is what I watch, which means Flight of the Conchords, Even Stevens, Scrubs, Project Runway, and yes, america's next top model re-runs. my dad will leave randomly to do more important things (which is really anything else...), but when he comes back, asks about girls by name. he occasionally guesses who's going to win, but usually likes to call who's going to be out each week. for me, the fact that he refers to them all by their names though, is fucking hilarious. whenever I accuse him of liking it as much as me he gets all defensive. today he said, "just don't tell my friends I know about america's next top model. I can deal with watching project runway, but I don't want anyone to hear about me and antm." (he thinks since Tim Goodman from the Chronicle likes project runway, it's ok). we both do agree on one thing, and share the passion for hating Tyra Banks, but that's a whole other post. as much as my dad annoys me sometimes, he can also amuse me just as much.








it's raining...

eating stars IV

so at cafeina, we have these blueberry muffins. we make a batch or two everyday, and it's almost always guaranteed that they will sell out. when they don't, they're always the first day olds to go the next morning, and even then some people are still sticking to the fresh ones. I'm not a big muffin person. I don't really choose them unless they're the chocolate kind, and that's more like cake. but recently I've been ending up with some of these muffins for myself, and have been eating them. they are absolutely fabulous. they have just the perfect amount of blueberries in them, and then aren't too squishy, nice and crunchy. they aren't giant, but they are filling and fabulous. plus the ingredients are organic, and the are made with love, and a hell of a lot of bakingskill. they are wonderful, and also happen the be the healthiest and cheapest pastry. I can't wait to have one right now.
















how far out are you man
i'm pretty far out
that's pretty far out man

fourth grade hipster

you know what really grinds my gears? when I was a little kid, after I got out of the dress phase, all I wore was big t shits and leggings. most of my clothes were either hand-me-downs or from second hand stores, but I didn't care, I was eight. the thing was, the other eight year old girls cared, and therefore, from third grade on I didn't have any real friends. I'm not just being paranoid, they told me straight up I didn't dress cool enough for them. one girl even told me she didn't want to hang out with in front of her friends because they didn't like my clothes. it was a long couple of years before I started eating lunch with Celia and Natalie.
now however, if an eight-year-old went through a legging phase, she would be considered cool. what the fuck? I had to go through years of loneliness just because what I liked to wear wasn't a trend at the time? well fuck that. I was wearing leggings before any of you, and I listen to bands that don't even exist yet.




let's all get up and dance to a song that was a hit before your mother born

eating stars III

my favorite music lately has been an album called "Say Awake: Various Interpretations of Music From Vintage Disney Films." it's the music we grew up with, but interpreted into something much more mature and developed. from Tom Waits to Natalie Merchant to Sinead O'Connor is absolutely brilliant.
I will now attempt to explain what I have come to find that the concept was of this photo is:






























I call it, wild things come out at night. Cosmo is wearing his where the wild things are hat. he also happens to be wearing a nice jacket and sunglasses, and smoking, making him appear as quite a sketchy character hanging out under the bart tracks at one in the morning. that shadiness implies a wild thing and something to be feared. so pretty much he's a real life wild thing, with the where the wild things are hat to emphasize that idea.
not that I need to have concept behind my photos anymore, since I'm not applying to art colleges...



Tell me, wishing well,
will my wish come true?
With your magic spell,
won't you tell my loved one what to do?

wrote a poem for a friend

Goodbye- For a Friend
By Jackie Stuber

I thought things were going great
But I was wrong
I didn’t understand what I had done
We were climbing a mountain
And I was on the verge of tears
I didn’t have any control
I couldn’t breath
That doesn’t happen to me
It’s not supposed to
But it did
I was so scared
I just broke
My limbs got heavy
I couldn’t stand
I tried and fell
And nobody helped me
I was abandoned
But the worst part was
I didn’t even feel it
At all
I was completely oblivious
My nose was running
My eyes were streaming
I wasn’t there any more
I was in a world full of despair
Nothing was good
I wanted to talk
I wanted to go home
But I couldn’t
I thought the most horrible things
And I didn’t even think of trying to stop
I liked the pain it brought
I wanted more
I deserved it
It was just disgusting
I wasn’t going to stop
I was just rocking back and fourth, crying, never stopping
Everyone saw me
But I didn’t know until later
They helped me down
But I didn’t know
Anything
Then they left me alone
All alone
And I started to feel again
But it still hurts
I’m not sure I’ll ever let it go

I wrote this a long time ago for a friend, though these aren't my words, they're hers. I took a conversation we had online and strung the lines together. I couldn't help it, what she was saying was just amazingly powerful and poetic. we used to be such good friends. she came camping with my family and would sing in the most beautiful voice while I played guitar. after this happened to her she changed so much. she started to always have panic attacks. the first time it happened with me was because I showed her this poem. she'd start shaking and crying and wouldn't be able to breathe. I knew I was one of the only people around who could help, and I wanted to desperately, but often times they wouldn't let me. every week there were more and more scars on her arms. she wouldn't tell anyone what she used to make them. eventually they asked her to leave the program because she was too much of a hassle for them. we haven't seen each other since, and it's been almost two years now. I have no idea what happened to her. I just wish I knew she was ok.
I haven't thought about this in a very long time. last night a friend asked me, "have you ever been with someone while they cut themselves" and I said no. a few seconds later I realized how incredibly wrong that was, yes, yes I have. I couldn't understand how I could forget all this, even for a second, when I realized I hadn't thought about it for probably over a year. I guess I had completely blocked it out. I never quite understood the psychology of blocking out bad memories because I don't easily forget traumatic things. they live with me, and are part of why I am who I am. I felt horrible. this isn't an experience I never want to forget, no matter how horrible it was. for both of us.

my room is getting messy again

next year

I hate it around new years when people start saying, "see you next year!"



you're not being clever.


Life of the Party


people keep bumping into me at the cafe while I'm carrying coffee. my hands are so burnt...

eating stars II

I sometimes wonder why they don't promote women's masturbation like they do guys. I mean I know it's because we're still fresh into the equality phase, but I was reading this book about feminism and it just made so many good points why women should masturbate. it helps you de-stress, it helps you fall asleep, and most importantly, satisfies your sex drive. It came to the conclusion that women wouldn't feel so pressured about sex, and would be more comfortable and therefore would be able to have really really good sex, or not even have to have sex to calm themselves, and therefore there would be more content women, having less babies, and more human equality.


"Let me tell you about my boat."

very very late spring cleaning

I believe the last time my room was this clean was around October of 2006. the last time it resembled clean was probably sometime during the summer. I've been depressed on and off for the last few months, but luckily, I can control it to an extent. I have techniques to force myself into doing homework, or going to work, but whenever my parents tell me to clean my room, I want to scream, "look, I'll get out of bed, I'll go to school, but for the love of god, just let me fulfill my depression in some way and don't make me clean my room." before today I had put away clothes once or twice since summer, they were all covering the pull out bed from when Celia slept over a month ago, and I had to regularly dig a path in the shit on the floor to my bed. at first the mess made me anxious, but then it started to become familiar and comforting, so I just told myself I'd clean it when I got a real boyfriend, because before then I didn't think I'd care what anyone else thought of it being so disgusting. recently though it was scaring me that I could force or trick myself into doing anything but clean my room. not only did I not see a point to putting anything away, I was actually afraid to. I was curled up crying on my bed when I decided that only pathetic whores don't clean their rooms because they're depressed, so I called my sister down to make me. I've been cleaning for five hours, and I can officially roll around on the floor six times long and four times wide.
I would like to take this time to dedicate my clean room to my little sister, Eliza. she's always been there for me when I'm depressed and need someone to make me do normal things like get out of bed.


I am a vampire I am a vampire

chinese turkey

my family has two christmas traditions:
1. eat chinese food. it doesn't matter how, last year we went out to Renee's Place on christmas eve, this year we got take out and ate it on tv trays while watching Flight of the Conchords. as long as it's chinese food, we're good to go.
2. watch a christmas story on tbs. they play it for 24 hours, so you can turn it on any time, then just watch it until you get back to where you started. brilliant.




tis the season to be jorry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

let's all go to the lobby

movies I've seen recently:
Rushmore- I liked it a lot. Wes Anderson is great. I'm going to watch it again in a few days. some movies just make you want to do that. it's not that I didn't understand it, I don't know, I just feel like I need to see it again.

Ghost World- a character study made in the 90's. in that sense it would have been more relevant culturally to watch it when it first came out, but it's still a great film. most movies about people in shitty situations pretty much glorify the shit, and just make you wish you were in a situation like that because then at least you'd be pretty, witty, and have a happy ending. but this one portrays a true misfit, who you can like and sympathize with, but you'd never want to be in her situation.

Transformers- the perfect combination of great special effects, horrible dialog, an impossible story line, and hot lead characters.

Snakes on a Plane- just bad. not so bad it's funny, just so bad it's stupid. I can understand that a lot of people could get into a ridiculous movie, but I feel like it shouldn't have been this one.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- my second time seeing it. the first time I think I was just barely too young, so I thought I should see it again. I love how Charlie Kaufman explores subjects like that, I think his ideas are completely brilliant and spot on, but I still like Adaptation better. he did kind of pull the thing where you wish you could be in a shitty situation like that, because then at least you'd be cool and unique.

Breakfast at Tiffany's- the old movie for people who don't like old movies. it's just wonderful. (not to mention that Audrey Hepburn is the most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet)


movies I want to see:
Juno
Requiem for a Dream
Pulp Fiction
The Triplettes of Bellville
The Hudsucker Proxy
The Royal Tenenbaums
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Squid and the Whale
Spinal Tap
Amelie
Pan's Labyrinth
Trainspotting
Whale Rider
The Science of Sleep

any others?

happy christmas... I guess... we need a christmas miracle for the jews...

baby it's cold outside

the sun is lying, it's freezing.


endless view


Last Snowfall


taste snow



Dreaming about sea


Cries and Whispers 5


Tell me another story


melancholy elf

and one to warm you up

Midnight cafe


who's up for a cuddle party?

get a life

I feel like the past few days I haven't been able to come up with a good post that had insight on anything interesting. I've also felt like the past few days I've been acting much happier. not necessarily feeling happier, but acting like it, which is a step in the right direction. I've been shooting photos, playing guitar, singing, even drawing. since I've been acting like I'm in a such a better mood, it seems like it'd make sense that I'd be able to write really cool stuff here too. maybe, though, since I've been doing all these things and getting to sleep earlier, I've been putting more into living a real life, and not one on the internet. which is good. but since my signature is self sabotage, I won't just leave it at that and get to bed early again: I'll tell you about my real life, in doing so, ending it. (but just for now hopefully.)
yesterday, I donated blood. you say, "do you weigh enough?" and I say, "fuck you, I'm trying to do a nice thing and that's all you can think of?" yes, I'm small. I don't have a problem, I like my body to a relatively amazing extent considering I'm an american teenage girl. it's just people never say, "you're so pretty" or "you have such a nice figure." they just tell me I'm small and skinny. but I digress. so no, I don't actually know if I weigh more than 110 pounds, which was the cut off. I don't have a scale in my house, so I don't know my true weight (which considered in the morning, after you go to the bathroom, but before you eat) but I know it's somewhere around 110, give or take a few pounds. I just feel like giving blood is something everyone should do if they can, and I don't think a pound or two is a good enough reason to stop me. I hate needles going in me, I almost had a panic attack before my last shot, but again, not a good enough reason to stop me, I just didn't watch. right afterward I felt fine, I thought I'd just grab some cheeze its and water bottles and go back to class, but they told me I had to sit for fifteen minutes. I was talking to Kellie and Jane, and I kept feeling shittier and shittier, like I couldn't even make it up the stairs to get back to class. I was drinking some water, then everything started getting black like I was having a bad head rush, then there were some blurry people putting wet paper towels on my face and asking me if I was ok. they told me I had passed out, and I realized I was lying on my back, and a woman was rocking my knees back and fourth. she asked my if my face hurt. "why?" "because you fell on it" then I realized my cheek bone was throbbing. it's weird that something like fall off a chair flat on my face didn't wake me up before the doctors did... and later Kellie told me I had hit my head on a box while I was falling too, which explains the red thing and what feels like a bruise on my head. I felt sooooo shitty for a minute or two while I was still lying there, but it passed, and I was better pretty fast. while I was still feeling horrible though, I think they were making jokes. I say I think, because I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not. one of the women said, "at least you made a crash sound" which confused me a lot, but she said some people pass out while they're lying on the chair/bed/couch thing, so they don't know, and apparently my fall made a really loud noise. so that's pretty much all of the interesting bits. they filled out paper work, thanks to Andrew Sutherland who got me some water and my phone, and sorry, Maria, that I couldn't go into work. I felt kinda bad that I had freaked everyone out like that. like in hind site, I don't really mind that it happened, I'm not surprised at all, and I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling completely normal again by tomorrow, but I feel like the worst thing that I could have experienced is seeing someone fall off a chair and land on their face. so, sorry about that guys... over all, it was a great experience, and I don't regret a thing, because my blood saved someone's life

but you should still always give blood when you can! it was a great experience, because my blood saved someone's life


"so, can I go back to class now?"
"yeah sure, we've determined that you're pretty much alive"

once I decided it was a good idea to take a nap at 5:00

this is what happened when I woke up five hours later and couldn't fall back asleep





















[click]


I can't draw. I will anyway.

lately

a series about my recent life by others


I've been late


I've been dancing


I've been cold


I've been smoking


I've been hiding


I've been playing


I've been tired


I've been shooting


I've been messy


I've been drawing



I've been rebellious


I've been WATCHING TRANSFORMERS!