Sunday, August 24

sugar and spice

it feels like my life is finally starting over. it will be my life, not someone else's I'm stuck in. one that I chose, one that I want, one that I will thrive in.

she's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.

Thursday, August 21

eating stars IX

the pterodactyl in gay jurassic park is like my three favortie things combined into one! because jeff goldblum would be in that movie!

now all I want to do is clean my bathroom
two minutes later
ok now I'm hungry and I want to clean my bathroom

"Emily! this is the last time I'm going to see you before we move, and the creepy eyebrow dance lady is going to be my only memory! stop it!" -Sophie

Wednesday, August 20

Sunday, August 17

untraditional is the new tradition

and these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations, they're quite aware of what they're going through. don't tell them to grow up and out of it.

Friday, August 15

eating stars VIII

I saw Pineapple Express the other day at the 4:20 showing, rather stoned. it's the only way to do it. Lev, Anton and I had so many revelations and ideas afterward, but I don't feel like explaining them all right here. that's what I love about being stoned, I'm more interested in having original thoughts and figuring things out. sometimes my conclusions are silly, but a lot of the things I've realized I come back to later and integrate into the way I interpret the world.

"...and then we got some pizza" -Lev

love's such an old fashion word

I love it when you can interpret songs to the point where it feels like they were written about you. I do that a lot, it makes me feel better because the song writers are always much better than I am at explaining myself and my thoughts and feelings.

I just feel like sharing some love and beauty. I could use some and I'm sure you could too. who ever you are.

my hopes and dreams, my past present and future, five photographs.

all you need is love

Thursday, August 14

Julie Marie

pretty much we're twins.

we are going to have the best time together.

I'd take you where nobody knows you and nobody gives a damn

Friday, August 8

who? the who. the who? yes. what? no, who. what?!

in 1973, my dad was working as an usher at an old concert hall on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, and during The Who concert almost got hit in the head by the neck of Pete Townshend's guitar as he threw it off stage and proceeded to smash the body with the microphone stand. I will never forgive him for not catching it.

Pete Townshend smashes guitar for charity

people try to put us down
just because we get around
the things they do look awful cold
I hope I die before I get old

Monday, August 4


I sometimes have these dreams where I yell at people, or they upset me. just some kind of bad interaction. when I wake up I'm still upset, because usually whatever happened was somewhat realistic, at least the feelings were. I then feel really bad about what I said and want to apologize to the person, or I feel really mad at someone for doing whatever they did, or feel awkward about what happened and don't want to see them. these of course are are ridiculous things to feel because nothing actually happened. I know that it was just a dream, but many times I dream things I think or fear, and seeing others reactions, not just imagining them in my head (though it is still in my head, I just don't have conscious control over it because it's a dream) really freaks me out. I hate dreaming. I have enough to stress about in my life, I don't need that to carry over into my unconscious.
I guess this time, though, it's a bit of a relief. when I first woke up I thought I felt upset because of something that happened in real life, but then I remembered my dream. I'm still upset, but now I know in a few days I'll forget it.

but what starts as desire can turn into need

that's the way

"it's better to loose someone with the truth than to keep them with a lie"
I saw that in a window from the bus today. I think it's pretty much perfect.

I am wearing the best hat ever. or at least my favorite one right now.

it makes me uncomfortable, or pisses me off, or I don't know maybe I just find it interesting or ironically amusing when people talk about me more with each other than the do with me.

"music is worthless unless it can make a complete stranger break down and cry":

Tom Waits makes my soul want to weep. so beautiful, so tragic. so much feeling, and yet full of humor. last friday night when I was with Clare I played her The Train Song. I was running around the kitchen through the whole intro looking for a spoon, but as soon as he started singing I froze in my tracks. I just stood there with my hands over my face almost crying. it was so beautiful, so tragic. when I listen to The Black Rider, I really listen to it, I can't just hear it. every word is processed, and half the time I'm cracking up, and half the time I just want the world to stop so I can sit there and breathe with tears swelling under my eyes.

this was going to be a post filled with all random thoughts and ideas I've been having, but suddenly all of them are about The Black Rider. I think I'll just go with that for the rest of this.

there was a girl who loved a boy, but he was a clerk and her father only wanted her to marry a huntsman. when he went into the woods he couldn't hit a thing, and because he could not prove himself as a hunter the father would not approve. the next time he went into the forrest he met the devil who gave him a handfull of magic bullets which would hit anything he aimed at, even if his eyes were closed. the devil warned him that "some of the bullets are for thee and some for me" but he took him any way. as the wedding day approached the clerk became anxious because there was to be a shooting contest at the ceremony. he went back to the crossroads and asked the devil for one more magic bullet. at the wedding he aimed at a wooden dove but the bullet circled around the crowd and hit the bride, his only love. the clerk went mad and ended up in the insane asylum with the rest of the devil's carnival.

that's the way the stomach rumbles
that's the way the bee bumbles
that's the way the needle pricks
that's the way the glue sticks
that's the way the potato mashes
that's the way the pan flashes
that's the way the market crashes
that's the way the whip lashes
that's the way the teeth knashes
that's the way the gravy stains
that's the way the moon wanes

and when I'm buried in my grave
tell me so I will know
your tears will fall
to make love grow
the briar and the rose

the first one's always free

when it gets too hot for comfot
and you can't get an ice cream cone
t'ain't no sin to take off your skin
and dance around your bones

the more of them magics you use, the more bad days you have without them
so it comes down finally to all your days being bad without the bullets
it's magics or nothing
time to stop chippying around and kidding yourself,
kid, you're hooked, heavy as lead

now when I was a boy
my daddy sat me on his knee
and he told me
he told me many things
and he said son
there's a lot of things in this world
you're gonna have no use for
and when you get blue
and you've lost all your dreams
there's nothin' like a campfire
and a can of beans

but that bonnie lass
and her heart of glass
would not hold a candle
to bumming around
so don't cry for me
for I'm going away
and I'll be back some lucky day