Wednesday, June 25

sweet home

it's not that I don't like Hawaii, I just love the bay area so much. it's the most beautiful place I've ever been. maybe not to some people, but to me. everything is so personal, I grew up here, so it all has meaning. it's not just some pretty waterfall, it's the memory of bus shadows riding across my living room window nights I couldn't sleep. it's seeing the top of the golden gate peaking out of the lush fog. everything smells comfortable, everything feels right, I fit in with the people. you can have the time of your life, young or old. I can't wait to grow up here. it suits me.

I could never see myself feeling at home anywhere else in the world.

Sunday, June 22

stuck in paradise

we all thought we would be flying home tonight, and getting back in the bay tomorrow around five in the morning. we were twenty four hours off, so now we're stuck here for an extra day. it's not the worst place to be stranded at all, but I was ready to go home and was looking forward to it. this trip has been nice, but I'm definitely ready and prepared for it to close. so to pass the time, I've been going through some of the photos I've taken with my new Nikon D200. here are a few shots to show you what we've been up to.

there's nothing wrong with what she says, it's the way she says it
there's nothing wrong with the way she moves, away from everyone

Sunday, June 15

what's the happy happs?

I got a Nikon D200
I qualified for CSF
I graduated
I got some sweet new pants
I had a very good day and fun night
I am leaving for Hawaii with Celia and Natalie

give me your address and we'll send you a post card! aloha!

Tuesday, June 10

same structure

I'm graduating. I've had many thoughts about this concept, I'll never have to see many people ever again, I'll never get to see many people ever again, I'll never have to wake up too early every day and walk to the same building over and over again, but it's just that. I've been doing the same thing since before I can remember, way back to preschool. I've grown and changed and learned things in countless ways, but always within the same structural barriers: weekdays are school, weekends are free, summer is busy, and breaks are used few and far between. everything I've ever learned I've had to figure out within this structure, or by knowingly breaking it and accepting the consequences. now suddenly I won't necessarily be punished for doing something on a school night with being forced to be somewhere the next morning and making my dad stay up late to wait for me when he has work the next day. it's an obvious concept that everyone knows goes along with graduation, but I'd never really thought about it. now that I have I'm a little overwhelmed, but I think in the good way. I think I'm really going to enjoy it, it's what I've been dreaming of breaking free from for a long time. it's weird that it's suddenly only a few days away.

pretend that you're not as great as you're bound to become

Thursday, June 5

we're on a boat

Maria made all the flowers, and helped me with the gardenia for my hair. they were beautiful, I can't thank her enough. she also lent me the necklace I wore.

we took BART, people on the train were very amused. we stopped to talk to an amazing woman on our way, and she actually ended up talking to us for over a half hour. we were last in line, but got there right as they started boarding, so it worked out.

prom was on a boat, which I at first kept forgetting. it was extremely bizarre when it started moving, every time I looked out the window I was shocked to see the world outside the world outside whizzing by. I had to go up to the roof before I could come to terms with the fact that yes, we were on a moving boat.

we were also last in line to get our photo taken, but it turned out perfect. definitely worth paying for, I can't wait to send out copies to my family.

I didn't dance very much, partly because my dress wouldn't allow it, but also because I'm not really into that kind of dancing. I was happy hanging out with my friends and looking out the window at the gorgeous city passing by.

then I slept over Parker's, and then I shaved my head

the end

ps I've started a separate blog for the self portrait project I've embarked upon called fifty two girls. one shot a week for a year, you should check it out.

and all of the people
were charmed and surprised
at how pretty and high and shy she was

Tuesday, June 3


shaving my head was one of the best experiences of my life. it wasn't pleasant, it was very scary. I had to have my friend Cosmo do it, I almost cried and tried to back out at the last minute. I was afraid that I would find out what I really looked like, and that I wouldn't like it. as soon as I saw myself in the mirror I knew it had been the right thing to do. I knew I was truly beautiful, and I didn't even need hair to show it. it's the perfect way for me to start over, literally and symbolically. our hair is the only thing that stays with us through the months and years, it carries our problems. I need a fresh start.

it's lunacy