Monday, December 31
now however, if an eight-year-old went through a legging phase, she would be considered cool. what the fuck? I had to go through years of loneliness just because what I liked to wear wasn't a trend at the time? well fuck that. I was wearing leggings before any of you, and I listen to bands that don't even exist yet.
let's all get up and dance to a song that was a hit before your mother born
Sunday, December 30
I will now attempt to explain what I have come to find that the concept was of this photo is:
I call it, wild things come out at night. Cosmo is wearing his where the wild things are hat. he also happens to be wearing a nice jacket and sunglasses, and smoking, making him appear as quite a sketchy character hanging out under the bart tracks at one in the morning. that shadiness implies a wild thing and something to be feared. so pretty much he's a real life wild thing, with the where the wild things are hat to emphasize that idea.
not that I need to have concept behind my photos anymore, since I'm not applying to art colleges...
Tell me, wishing well,
will my wish come true?
With your magic spell,
won't you tell my loved one what to do?
By Jackie Stuber
I thought things were going great
But I was wrong
I didn’t understand what I had done
We were climbing a mountain
And I was on the verge of tears
I didn’t have any control
I couldn’t breath
That doesn’t happen to me
It’s not supposed to
But it did
I was so scared
I just broke
My limbs got heavy
I couldn’t stand
I tried and fell
And nobody helped me
I was abandoned
But the worst part was
I didn’t even feel it
I was completely oblivious
My nose was running
My eyes were streaming
I wasn’t there any more
I was in a world full of despair
Nothing was good
I wanted to talk
I wanted to go home
But I couldn’t
I thought the most horrible things
And I didn’t even think of trying to stop
I liked the pain it brought
I wanted more
I deserved it
It was just disgusting
I wasn’t going to stop
I was just rocking back and fourth, crying, never stopping
Everyone saw me
But I didn’t know until later
They helped me down
But I didn’t know
Then they left me alone
And I started to feel again
But it still hurts
I’m not sure I’ll ever let it go
I haven't thought about this in a very long time. last night a friend asked me, "have you ever been with someone while they cut themselves" and I said no. a few seconds later I realized how incredibly wrong that was, yes, yes I have. I couldn't understand how I could forget all this, even for a second, when I realized I hadn't thought about it for probably over a year. I guess I had completely blocked it out. I never quite understood the psychology of blocking out bad memories because I don't easily forget traumatic things. they live with me, and are part of why I am who I am. I felt horrible. this isn't an experience I never want to forget, no matter how horrible it was. for both of us.
my room is getting messy again
Saturday, December 29
Thursday, December 27
"Let me tell you about my boat."
Wednesday, December 26
I would like to take this time to dedicate my clean room to my little sister, Eliza. she's always been there for me when I'm depressed and need someone to make me do normal things like get out of bed.
I am a vampire I am a vampire
Tuesday, December 25
1. eat chinese food. it doesn't matter how, last year we went out to Renee's Place on christmas eve, this year we got take out and ate it on tv trays while watching Flight of the Conchords. as long as it's chinese food, we're good to go.
2. watch a christmas story on tbs. they play it for 24 hours, so you can turn it on any time, then just watch it until you get back to where you started. brilliant.
tis the season to be jorry, fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra
Rushmore- I liked it a lot. Wes Anderson is great. I'm going to watch it again in a few days. some movies just make you want to do that. it's not that I didn't understand it, I don't know, I just feel like I need to see it again.
Ghost World- a character study made in the 90's. in that sense it would have been more relevant culturally to watch it when it first came out, but it's still a great film. most movies about people in shitty situations pretty much glorify the shit, and just make you wish you were in a situation like that because then at least you'd be pretty, witty, and have a happy ending. but this one portrays a true misfit, who you can like and sympathize with, but you'd never want to be in her situation.
Transformers- the perfect combination of great special effects, horrible dialog, an impossible story line, and hot lead characters.
Snakes on a Plane- just bad. not so bad it's funny, just so bad it's stupid. I can understand that a lot of people could get into a ridiculous movie, but I feel like it shouldn't have been this one.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- my second time seeing it. the first time I think I was just barely too young, so I thought I should see it again. I love how Charlie Kaufman explores subjects like that, I think his ideas are completely brilliant and spot on, but I still like Adaptation better. he did kind of pull the thing where you wish you could be in a shitty situation like that, because then at least you'd be cool and unique.
Breakfast at Tiffany's- the old movie for people who don't like old movies. it's just wonderful. (not to mention that Audrey Hepburn is the most beautiful woman to ever grace this planet)
movies I want to see:
Requiem for a Dream
The Triplettes of Bellville
The Hudsucker Proxy
The Royal Tenenbaums
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Squid and the Whale
The Science of Sleep
happy christmas... I guess... we need a christmas miracle for the jews...
Saturday, December 22
Thursday, December 20
yesterday, I donated blood. you say, "do you weigh enough?" and I say, "fuck you, I'm trying to do a nice thing and that's all you can think of?" yes, I'm small. I don't have a problem, I like my body to a relatively amazing extent considering I'm an american teenage girl. it's just people never say, "you're so pretty" or "you have such a nice figure." they just tell me I'm small and skinny. but I digress. so no, I don't actually know if I weigh more than 110 pounds, which was the cut off. I don't have a scale in my house, so I don't know my true weight (which considered in the morning, after you go to the bathroom, but before you eat) but I know it's somewhere around 110, give or take a few pounds. I just feel like giving blood is something everyone should do if they can, and I don't think a pound or two is a good enough reason to stop me. I hate needles going in me, I almost had a panic attack before my last shot, but again, not a good enough reason to stop me, I just didn't watch. right afterward I felt fine, I thought I'd just grab some cheeze its and water bottles and go back to class, but they told me I had to sit for fifteen minutes. I was talking to Kellie and Jane, and I kept feeling shittier and shittier, like I couldn't even make it up the stairs to get back to class. I was drinking some water, then everything started getting black like I was having a bad head rush, then there were some blurry people putting wet paper towels on my face and asking me if I was ok. they told me I had passed out, and I realized I was lying on my back, and a woman was rocking my knees back and fourth. she asked my if my face hurt. "why?" "because you fell on it" then I realized my cheek bone was throbbing. it's weird that something like fall off a chair flat on my face didn't wake me up before the doctors did... and later Kellie told me I had hit my head on a box while I was falling too, which explains the red thing and what feels like a bruise on my head. I felt sooooo shitty for a minute or two while I was still lying there, but it passed, and I was better pretty fast. while I was still feeling horrible though, I think they were making jokes. I say I think, because I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not. one of the women said, "at least you made a crash sound" which confused me a lot, but she said some people pass out while they're lying on the chair/bed/couch thing, so they don't know, and apparently my fall made a really loud noise. so that's pretty much all of the interesting bits. they filled out paper work, thanks to Andrew Sutherland who got me some water and my phone, and sorry, Maria, that I couldn't go into work. I felt kinda bad that I had freaked everyone out like that. like in hind site, I don't really mind that it happened, I'm not surprised at all, and I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling completely normal again by tomorrow, but I feel like the worst thing that I could have experienced is seeing someone fall off a chair and land on their face. so, sorry about that guys... over all, it was a great experience, and I don't regret a thing, because my blood saved someone's life
but you should still always give blood when you can! it was a great experience, because my blood saved someone's life
"so, can I go back to class now?"
"yeah sure, we've determined that you're pretty much alive"
Tuesday, December 18
Saturday, December 15
Friday, December 14
I never thought anyone would ever see this, but I just found it, and feel like it's been long enough for it to be more funny than embarrassing. go ahead and laugh, but you know you can only wish you could have as much fun as us.
Natalie, you can't kill me for two reasons:
I. this isn't myspace
II. they'll only be laughing at me, since you actually know how to dance.
boy's shorts make my ass look good... I should find those...
my favorite scene in Knocked Up is another way to describe a reason that I'm so awkward. I can relate in the sense that sometime I just can't believe how anyone could ever like me, and this is probably the reason I'm so shy and awkward around new people, or even people I've known for a while. it's also the funniest scene in the whole movie.
I'm a hat factory
Thursday, December 13
that just took so long to say
I've recently figured out why i take so long to say things all the time. everyone has a lot of thoughts behind what they actually are meaning by the little they are say, to imply it in the right way to get the right feeling behind what is being said. I'm doing it right now, but what's differnt about my little thoughts, as I will call them from now on, is that I have a hard time realizing that I actually probably have to say half as much as I do for people to understand what I'm saying, because I feel like I have to say every little thought behind each idea. even just saying this I probably went on for way too long.
it feels like it just took so long to write all that, but looking at it, it doesn't seem as much. that's been my night for me. thinking things are taking so long, or are so big, but only to find out that they weren't actually that long, and were really pretty small compared to what I thought. but all this probably would have taken anyone else one paragraph to say, and it took me three. so think about it this way, I have to wright a hell of a lot more to make a post because it takes me three times as long as anyone to say anything.
These are relatively good songs compared to the other stuff the artist produces. I couldn't believe that it was Christina Aguilera when I first heard Candyman, and though these songs seem silly, they are pretty much the definition of pop music in the sense that they are perfectly composed to appeal to the majority of contemporary people. what I've found with most of the songs I listen to like these is that though I love that one particular song, when I try to listen to more from that artist, it just doesn't happen.
what slightly throws me off though is my latest musically guilty pleasure, The Reason's We're So Beyond This. the one thing I never ever stop hating is whiny boy bands. I can handle girls being cliche, or even mature guys being cliche, but put on some Journey or Motion City Soundtrack and I might just kill you. also, the Reason isn't very popular, breaking yet another part of the pattern. this is why I have concluded that it must be the fact that Sara Quin (as in Tegan and Sara) who is featured in the song is why I have come to playing this song on repeat. also, I've realized that the song is about a girl and boy arguing back and forth that they've been through so much that they should be above hiding things from each other and fighting the way they do. if you know me, this might sound familiar.
here's the video. I like the concept, but I feel like they could have done a lot more with it.
Parker, I feel like you'd really appreciate how hot Sara is.
"We're so beyond this, I need to feel your trust
So we can be honest, you've got to give me this much
'Cause we're so beyond this, I've got to get it through
If you can be honest, I can be honest with you"
oh wait, there is.
everything you need to know about festivus:
photo of the day:
"The Sky Is Mine"
by Elif Karakoç
this girl lives in Turkey, and I absolutely love her work. she brings such a wonderful feel to each of her photographs, especially through processing. her concepts are also so unique and developed, sometimes I can't believe she's my age. her friends also do wonderful work with a similar style to hers, but she definitely stands out. I guess it's a Turkish thing.
senior quote: "If you believe in your dreams, trust in yourself, and follow your star, you'll still get beaten by people who actually went out and learned things and weren't so lazy"- Terry Pratchett
Wednesday, December 12
I saw the Indigo Girls at the Fillmore in January of 2006. I went with my dad as my Chanukkah present. my sister got an ipod. I'm not bitter or anything, I like their early stuff, but they played a lot of new stuff, and they were forty dollar tickets, but it was a two hundred dollar ipod.
I went along with my parents and some of their friends to a David Bromberg concert at the Palace of Fine Arts sometime last spring. I saw so many parents of kids from my school. I don't know why he's famous, or how he's famous, and I'd never heard of him before, and haven't heard of him since, but trust me, he's freaking famous. you wouldn't know it, but everyone over the age of 45 knows who he is and silently worships him.
Jake Shimibukuro at Yoshi's was a fabulous show. Lev showed me the video of While My Guitar Gently Weeps (I highly recommend it) a while back, but I rediscovered him recently through a radio interview. I knew that he would be one of those people that you didn't think could get any more amazing until you saw them live, so I went to see him with Cosmo and he definitly was.
David Grisman played the Freight and Salvage, and I saw him with Sarah and my dad and probably some other people, but it was a while ago and I don't really remember it that well. I do know it was really good, and his son played bass and was also really good. if you don't know who he is, he's another one of those really famous people; his deal is he reinvented the mandolin.
Just the other week I saw The Roches and Louden Wainright III at the Great American Music Hall. I listened to The Roches when I was very very young, but didn't know who they were until I was listening to some of my dad's old cds and suddenly had a flashback to driving in our old subaru. they have the most amazing unique voices, and it amazes me that they can still sing the same range after thirty years. I didn't know who Wainwright was, but I did enjoy him, and he is quite funny. you might know him as Katherine Heigl's gynecologist(as Louden Wainwright) in Knocked Up, and actually while I was looking that up, I found that he's been in quite a few other major motion pictures as himself you've probably heard of. so I'm going to put him under the category of very very famous, but no one my age has ever heard of.
A very long time ago, like before my Bat Mitzvah, so what year was that... summer of 2003, Sophie brought me along with her to see the Dixie Chicks at the Oakland Colosseum. I'd never heard their music before that, so I don't remember much, but I do remember that Michelle Branch opened and I was really into one of her songs being played on the radio at the time. yeah...
My first concert was in fourth grade, and I am only slightly ashamed to say that it was Britney Spears on her Oops I Did It Again tour. I went with Chanelle, and her mom made us pretty dresses just for the occasion. In my defense, it was quite a long time ago, and I wasn't old enough to know what the word slutty meant.
I've been going to the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival for the past six years out of the seven it's been going on. it's a giant free concert in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, featuring a lot of those famous people I've never heard of, and the old people who love them, especially while stoned. I'm not going to try to tell you all the people I've seen there, because there have been too many to count, and truthfully, I don't know who most of them are. I would like to feature Richard Thompson though, who is possibly the best guitar player alive. he does an absolutely amazing version of my favorite song my dad used to sing to me when I was little, 1952 Vincent Black Lightning. I really can't describe it, but I can feel something powerful every time I hear it.
a bit of history: these bands are all amazing, but they are mostly my parent's bands, so I don't have as much personally to say about them. that's the only reason they don't all get their own posts, it has nothing to do with how good they are. plus I didn't want to do this for another two weeks, I have other things to share with the world (or, you know, probably just Parker... hi Parker... I'm doing this instead of art history homework)
photo of the day:
happy late Chanukah
By Christopher Brown
"Francine Taylor is a Holocaust survivor. this menorah belonged to her grandmother, the Nazi's left in the front lawn of their house when invading Paris and was found when they returned after Liberation."
i don't listen to bands that don't exist, i listen to the ones that have existed forever, but you've been too busy up on your indier than thou cloud to notice.
Monday, December 10
my favorite example of how they use performance art in their shows is the live version of Your Head's Too Big. this is from the Slims show I was at in June of 2006.
a bit of history: yes, yet another band that I discovered on kfog. I heard an them do an interview on the morning show, and loved them. like Tegan and Sara, kfog soon stopped playing them, but I went out and bought the record right away, and have been a loyal fan ever since. they are probably my favorite band, because not only is their music great, but so is everything else they do, from their publicity, to what they stand for.
if you'd like to learn more, I recommend:
"The Ditty Bops"- Walk Or Ride, Ooh La La, Wake Up
"Moon Over The Freeway"- Aluminum Can, In The Meantime, Your Head's Too Big
the music video for Wishful Thinking. it's my favorite.
you might find the meaning of life in the barrel of a rifle if it's pointed at a bird, or if it's pointed at your head
Sunday, December 9
so many of her songs are even more incredible live, but her incredible solo performance of Black Horse and a Cherry Tree is probably the reason she became so famous
a bit of history: here's another artists I discovered through kfog. I heard Black Horse for the first time on the morning show on new releases thursday, and loved it so much I started dancing around. I soon bootlegged all her songs, including a ton that weren't on her album. I eventually bought "Eye To The Telescope" since I loved her so much and wanted to support her. I'm not a super big fan of her new stuff since she's become such a pop princess, but I'll never stop dancing to her early work.
if you'd like to learn more, I recommend:
"Eye To The Telescope"- Universe & U, Suddenly I See, Heal Over
"KT Tunstall's Acoustic Extravaganza"- Girl And The Ghost, Miniature Disasters
last night: at least I went out with a bang
Friday, December 7
Sleeping Lessons from their album "Wincing the Night Away" was my favorite from the show. they extended it two or three times, and the whole stadium was singing and dancing along.
a bit history: I've always known the Shins from compilations like the Garden State soundtracks and songs from the Gilmore girls, but didn't get into them until this past summer when I downloaded a few free songs. Australia is what did it for me. after I had it on repeat for a half hour, I thought, why haven't I been listening to these guys for years?
if you'd like to learn more, I recommend:
"Oh, Inverted World"- Know Your Onion!
"Chutes Too Narrow"- So Says I
"Wincing The Night Away"- Sleeping Lessons, Australia
the music video for Australia
just put yourselves in my new shoes, and see why I do what I do
Thursday, December 6
props to Sara for one of the most creative audience suggestions I've ever seen. during Hop A Plane, she had everyone turn around and clap their hands above their heads. fun stuff.
also thanks for singing my favorite song from your first three albums. way to sing it last and make me give up hope though...
if you'd like to learn more, I recommend:
"This Business of Art"- My Number
"If It Was You"- Living Room
"So Jealous"- You Wouldn't Like Me, Where Does the Good Go
"The Con"- Back In Your Head, Nineteen
actually, I am an annoying little indie girl who hates everyone... but not because of Tegan and Sara...
this is how you tangerine. this is also Tangerine in Charlie Kaufman's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I like to eat tangerines in class. my teachers aren't very excited about it.
Wednesday, December 5
it's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown. it's a silly time to learn to swim on the way down.
look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive. look me in the heart and tell me you won't go. look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love. look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen.
I won't be left dancing along to songs from the past.
I'm not unfaithful but I'll stray. when I get a little scared, I run.
-Tegan Quin and Sara Quin
photo by Autumn de Wilde
I'm seeing them at Zellerbach Hall on the UC Berkeley campus tomorrow night.