golly

these are some fantastic, thoroughly thought out, unbelievably creative cartoons.

now that is an incredible movie that not only pays homage to them, but is an amazing film in and of itself.

very much among my favorite things in life. I highly recommend to the utmost level.




toon killed his brother

eating stars VIII

this is my new friend, Whistle
thanks Lev



I'm finally pieced together, I feel so much like me

pop

five amazing songs you will tell me are bad

Christina Aguilera- Candyman

Avril Lavigne- Girlfriend

Kate Perry- I Kissed A Girl

Kelly Clarkson- Walk Away

Christina Aguilara, Lil' Kim, Mya & Pink- Lady Marmalade


you can just sing along and dance and feel girly and sexy, that's what makes them great.




voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir

suede

my family has started to talk in the third person just to piss me off

:P

and what is up with the designers this year and them all being the same?





I kissed a girl and I liked it

drinking stars I

BEST DRUNK EVER

LOVE YOU CLARE


FABULOUS



and we don't care about the young folks talking about the old folks
and we don't care about the old folks talking about the young folks too
and we don't care about the young folks talking about their own folks
all we care about is talking, talking over me and you







this drunk needs more david bowie

rebel rebel

Stuart's here, my lip is pierced, and I can buy my own cigarettes and porn. life is good.







you've got your mother in a whirl
she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl

this blog needs more David Bowie

put on your red shoes and dance the blues

legal

birthday list:
get lip pierced
buy cigarettes

I'd do more but I'm stuck in Chicago and those will be tough enough. well the piercing one.


Chicago is so great, but the people are so funny from an outsider's perspective, especially after coming here every summer since before I can remember. my cousins live in the suburbs, so everything's very dramatic, there isn't much else to entertain them. they're into the show degrassi, legitimately. I used to wonder who in their right mind would actually enjoy shows like that, but now I know it's people who think the drama isn't utterly ridiculous. a lot of them are very, dare I sound uptight, politically incorrect. they always make jokes about "black people" and use the word gay, but not ironically. my other cousins are a little more down to earth, I enjoy staying with them much more. I get along with Clare a lot better, she's really cool. I'm just saying now though, she is the kind of smoker who insists on other people smoking. I told her not to let me smoke while I'm here but I don't think that's going to work out very well. or at all. at least I'll have her to blame for it. PEER PRESSURE PEER PRESSURE.



my absence will remind you of how tough it is to be in love

hold onto your butts

I find it comforting that I still jump and scream during Jurassic Park.

american spirit

I don't want to get addicted to anything. I know that once you do, you're life will never be the same. sure you can over come it, but it will always be there, the thought will never completely leave your mind. being addicted to something is like a want, no, a need that you can never satisfy. I always have to wear chap stick, I put it on and feel better, but inevitably I'll have to put it on again in a few hours or when it wears off. and it's expensive. addiction is expensive. in that way I can't afford to get addicted in any sense. I want to do what I love, but I want to be happy doing it. I know that's not the case for a lot of artists. when we were learning about Annie Lebowitz my teacher mentioned the amount of drugs she had to do to be accepted so she could do what she did. I want to do things like her, but how can I really? by shooting heroin with rock stars and celebrities? I know what will happen to me, but that's the problem with humans, we have to experience and learn things for ourselves before we can actually understand. I don't want that, I know it will make me miserable, but I know that someone like me wouldn't have any resistance. it would ruin my entire life, but am I ok with coming just short of my dreams to maintain my well being? are my morals really that strong? pot is one thing, but I think I'm falling into cigarettes, trying to justify it, but knowing I'm just weak and in denial, because admitting it would mean hating myself. but doesn't that happen with everything? when I was in fifth grade I ran into some mean eighth graders. I was complaining to my parents and asked, why are they like that? they told me that people sometime just get meaner at that age. I said I'd never be mean, and always love my parents. but here I am now, being rude to my mom and not feeling any remorse. a friend's dad mentioned recently that smoking for four years won't kill you, but smoking until you're sixty will. it's true, but is it really that easy? after four years will I really just quit, or come up with some new justification? but maybe I'm being unrealistic, I'll never be truly happy, no one is. there is no set standard of happiness, everyone's idea of it is constantly changing. maybe it seems like settling now, but maybe in the future it won't. maybe there's hope. I just know that it's going to be hard to get there no matter what choices I make. and here I am, back to my original conclusion that there's nothing I can do and I shouldn't worry about it. just enjoy life. and maybe go back to therapy.




walk out of her heart
walk out of her mind

life, I has it

I can't believe how young I am, it's so wonderful, my life is amazing, it's just starting and I've already done so much and I still have so much time left and so many great things to do, I can't wait to see what happens because I know it will be fantastic.






when I was a little bit younger the strain I was under could make me cry
now I’m a little bit older, a little bit bolder, never so shy

sweet home

it's not that I don't like Hawaii, I just love the bay area so much. it's the most beautiful place I've ever been. maybe not to some people, but to me. everything is so personal, I grew up here, so it all has meaning. it's not just some pretty waterfall, it's the memory of bus shadows riding across my living room window nights I couldn't sleep. it's seeing the top of the golden gate peaking out of the lush fog. everything smells comfortable, everything feels right, I fit in with the people. you can have the time of your life, young or old. I can't wait to grow up here. it suits me.



I could never see myself feeling at home anywhere else in the world.

stuck in paradise

we all thought we would be flying home tonight, and getting back in the bay tomorrow around five in the morning. we were twenty four hours off, so now we're stuck here for an extra day. it's not the worst place to be stranded at all, but I was ready to go home and was looking forward to it. this trip has been nice, but I'm definitely ready and prepared for it to close. so to pass the time, I've been going through some of the photos I've taken with my new Nikon D200. here are a few shots to show you what we've been up to.










there's nothing wrong with what she says, it's the way she says it
there's nothing wrong with the way she moves, away from everyone

what's the happy happs?

I got a Nikon D200
I qualified for CSF
I graduated
I got some sweet new pants
I had a very good day and fun night
I am leaving for Hawaii with Celia and Natalie

give me your address and we'll send you a post card! aloha!

same structure

I'm graduating. I've had many thoughts about this concept, I'll never have to see many people ever again, I'll never get to see many people ever again, I'll never have to wake up too early every day and walk to the same building over and over again, but it's just that. I've been doing the same thing since before I can remember, way back to preschool. I've grown and changed and learned things in countless ways, but always within the same structural barriers: weekdays are school, weekends are free, summer is busy, and breaks are used few and far between. everything I've ever learned I've had to figure out within this structure, or by knowingly breaking it and accepting the consequences. now suddenly I won't necessarily be punished for doing something on a school night with being forced to be somewhere the next morning and making my dad stay up late to wait for me when he has work the next day. it's an obvious concept that everyone knows goes along with graduation, but I'd never really thought about it. now that I have I'm a little overwhelmed, but I think in the good way. I think I'm really going to enjoy it, it's what I've been dreaming of breaking free from for a long time. it's weird that it's suddenly only a few days away.




pretend that you're not as great as you're bound to become

we're on a boat

Maria made all the flowers, and helped me with the gardenia for my hair. they were beautiful, I can't thank her enough. she also lent me the necklace I wore.



we took BART, people on the train were very amused. we stopped to talk to an amazing woman on our way, and she actually ended up talking to us for over a half hour. we were last in line, but got there right as they started boarding, so it worked out.


prom was on a boat, which I at first kept forgetting. it was extremely bizarre when it started moving, every time I looked out the window I was shocked to see the world outside the world outside whizzing by. I had to go up to the roof before I could come to terms with the fact that yes, we were on a moving boat.


we were also last in line to get our photo taken, but it turned out perfect. definitely worth paying for, I can't wait to send out copies to my family.


I didn't dance very much, partly because my dress wouldn't allow it, but also because I'm not really into that kind of dancing. I was happy hanging out with my friends and looking out the window at the gorgeous city passing by.


then I slept over Parker's, and then I shaved my head


the end


ps I've started a separate blog for the self portrait project I've embarked upon called fifty two girls. one shot a week for a year, you should check it out.




and all of the people
were charmed and surprised
at how pretty and high and shy she was

buzzed

shaving my head was one of the best experiences of my life. it wasn't pleasant, it was very scary. I had to have my friend Cosmo do it, I almost cried and tried to back out at the last minute. I was afraid that I would find out what I really looked like, and that I wouldn't like it. as soon as I saw myself in the mirror I knew it had been the right thing to do. I knew I was truly beautiful, and I didn't even need hair to show it. it's the perfect way for me to start over, literally and symbolically. our hair is the only thing that stays with us through the months and years, it carries our problems. I need a fresh start.





it's lunacy

I eat men like air

Lady Lazarus is the moleskin notebook of a friend of a friend. it's nice to hear specific stories similar to your own life instead of simply being told, "I know what you're going through," and, "you're not alone, everyone's been there." generalizations don't help.





what use am I as a heap on the floor

why do you let me stay here

I want to take a roll of film of everything: people, places, buildings, animals. when it's done I want to roll it to the beginning and shoot it again, but only of daises. I want to cover everything with a thin layer of green grass and daises.

I always freak out about how much work I have to do whenever I actually have to do work. it always ends up that it's really easy and not nearly as bad as I thought. you'd think after years of school I'd figure that out and stop worrying. no one else seems to stop worrying though, I'm probably just following their example. that sucks, why should I have to worry just because no one else can handle themselves?

I can't sigh and huff. every time I try I end up coughing. I've been noticing how much I sigh and huff. it's a lot; usually at my mom.

on days I feel depressed it's frustrating telling people that. they interchange depression with sadness, and don't understand the key difference between them. people are sad for reasons, depression is unjustified aside from something being wrong with brain chemicals. I don't know, maybe I am just sad and don't know the reason. maybe I'm just a bitch. old habits die hard when you got a sentimental heart.

I don't understand why I can't take photos at the MOMA. well, I did anyway, but from my waist. they actually turned out pretty well, and it's a technique I've never really given any respect. I definitely want to explore that some more. also double exposures. and dyptichs. and composite panoramas. and composite single images.




She & Him are my new favorite band. it's like my dad's songs I grew up with, but my version.

I wonder how much of the stuff I'm paranoid about is actually real. I guess I could never know, because it's impossible to see the truth when you suffer from schizophrenic paranoia. I think I have that sometimes. mildly.

everything my mother says I either already know, or is completely irrelevent and don't care about, or both. she makes me want to scream, smoke a cigarette, and go back to therapy, three things I've been able to live without, and maybe even happily until she started talking to me again. it's not that I want her to stay sick, but the fact is since she's gotten better I've gotten worse. I can't keep starting and ending every day like this.



you really got a hold on me

Serenity now

a movie hasn't made me cry in years.

River is one of my favorite characters of all time. possibly my very favorite.




I am a leaf on the wind. watch me soar.

not as easy as it used to be

three options for the new Indiana Jones movie:
1. make it good- very hard, almost impossible
2. make it bad- very easy, and very likely if option two is attempted
3. make it incredibly and awesomely bad and amazing- DONE

going to the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull midnight showing at the California was definitely a good decision. everyone was so into it, they all laughed and pointed and groaned at every hilariously ridiculous and shockingly unbelievable part. I couldn't even begin to describe all the amazing things that happened, and if I did you wouldn't believe me, you have to see it for yourself. be prepared to be yelling, "what?! aaaah! what?! what the fuck?!" for almost the entire time. it's that amazingly bad. it makes me just want to smile gigantically and say yessssss.



swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home

add art

I just added this great plugin for firefox called Add-Art which replaces corporate advertisements with art. once I installed it I went to my flickr and instead of some ad for nikon, I saw this:

it made me so happy.



singing songs she's always known

dresses, dates, and other things that start with d

I got a dress. it's from macy's, which is dumb, but it's a really nice dress and it turned out it was on sale, so I'm juiced.

also, Adrian Lee asked me to prom. he did a public proposal last week which was really awesome. him and Moses who was also doing it for his girlfriend set up their amps and drums and sang Island In The Sun by Weezer. I might be a little biased, but I think it was the best one so far, and they should totally win the free tickets.



who am I to blow against the wind?

as a whole

The Con- Tegan and Sara

This is one of my favorite albums right now. I've found that individually I'm not a big fan of about half the songs. I always listen to it as an album though, because together they all work together so well. I think it's amazing that all the songs were written by either Tegan or Sara while they were living in their own home. they didn't communicate about individual songs at all, yet the album fits together incredibly well.

...Until We Felt Red- Kaki King

by listening to this as an album, you get an idea of what Kaki is really capable of, and how much skill and talent she has. she puts so much thought into each note of each song, and it really shows. it's interesting to listen to even though many of the songs are instrumental. You Don't Have To Be Afraid is my favorite song, it shows you how much she can do with just one idea, how creative she can be creating different versions and variations using the same concept.

Fisherman's Woman- Emiliana Torrini

this album is so melancholy. it gives off a very eerie calming vibe. part of what makes it so great is the story behind it. her boyfriend was shot in a tragic accident. afterward she would pretend that he was a fisherman, and she was his wife, always waiting for him by the window, not knowing when he would come home. the title track, Fisherman's Woman, is about that, and is one of the only songs that makes me want to cry each time I hear it.

The Garden State Soundtrack

I listen to this every night to fall asleep. this is another album where I don't like many of the individual songs, but love how they all work together. some of the songs on it that I do like, however, are some of my favorite songs ever.

living in the moment of the girl who left too soon

on a sunny afternoon

I felt summer today. seasons have a really specific feeling to me, and usually one day I'll just feel it. sometimes I wake up and say, I can smell winter. today I felt summer. it's hot, but not just any hot, it's summer heat, and I love it. except for the fact that I'm really hot. and sweaty. I burned the bottoms of my feet again walking bear foot on the pavement. I want to go swimming outside, maybe I'll do that this weekend. I hope it stays hot for a bit.

smile like you mean it.

by mirjan



on a summer evening when the corn's head-high
and there's more lightning bugs than stars in the sky
ah, you get the feeling things may be alright
on a summer evening before the dark of night

hotti with a botti

Whitney has been my favorite since the beginning of america's next top model this year. she is the only plus size model, and also one of the only sane girls int he house. she made it to the top three, which is incredible. no plus size model has ever made it nearly that far. it's sad to see most of the plus size models break down about their bodies, and have to leave because they have no confidence. I'm always thinking no! break the status quo! embrace your curves, you're beautiful! Whitney has stayed strong this whole time, she's never let her body worry her. she really doesn't have to, she's totally hot and has a slammin' bod! we're rooting for you Whitney! beat those skinny crazy bitches, we're ready for a top model with a good head on her shoulders and a little pow to her punch!

(the guy in the photo has a Stuart angry face!)




Nigel: [about Jade] if conceited drag queens are "in", she's got a shot at being America's Next Top Model.

also, I can kill you with my brain

I'm sick. really sick. haven't been sick like this since eighth grade. my fever peaked, hopefully, at about 103. been back and forth between shivering and sweating all day. started to show signs of delusion at one point, something was happening with my hands, I can't describe it, but I tried to cool off enough so that my brain would stop cooking itself. let's hope it stays that way. been watching Firefly. I have to cut myself off because I want to finish it with Laura, and I know if I watch even one more episode I won't be able to resist. she better get back soon, it's soooooooo good. I haven't gotten into a show like this in a long time. I think that a combination of that and Kaki King's ...Until We Felt Red is what's keeping me sane right now.



you give me fever
fever all through the night

dodo demo

every girl wants a boy to write a song about her. well not every girl, but it's generally accepted as a grand romantic thing, something you tells your friends and they all go, "awww." about a year ago, Max wrote a song about me, which he just recorded and put up on his band's myspace. it's not really anything like that sweet cliché stuff though, it's more of an example that I use when I talk about what a jerk he was. after the last time we were really together, he told me was going to write a song for me about it. I wasn't too pleased when I read the lyrics he came up with. first of all the title is "So Much For The Hero." that pretty much describes the whole song. it's all about him, and what a horrible thing we did, and how ashamed he is of me, but how no one should judge him because he's still a good person and it was all my fault anyway. he blames the whole thing on "that look you gave me." Max, if you were willing to compromise what were apparently all of your morals because I gave you one sexy side glance, how much of a hero were you in the first place?
all together the song doesn't really make any sense, even knowing the context it's all over the place, very unfocused, and the musical composition is sketchy. then again, what can you except from a band named Foolsville Heroes? I might be a little bit biased, so if you want to listen to it yourself their myspace is myspace.com/foolsvilleheroes.



"don't have to save me
that look you gave me
worked after all"

it's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it.
look, you're really cute, but I can't understand what you're saying. say the first thing again.

lavender moon

be nice to me, I gave blood today.

I didn't pass out this time, but I probably almost did so they wouldn't let me leave for an hour.

and why yes, that is a California College of the Arts shirt I am wearing. that's right, it's official. now people won't make fun of me anymore for dressing like this.

I got my scarf and glasses from fredflare.com this week. I'm pretty excited about it.

not only is everything on the website super rad, but the people there are too. you can ask them to draw you stuff in the special instructions section. they have a bunch of them up on their flickr.

this was my order. I thought it was appropriate considering what I was ordering.




I met a girl who sang the blues

H is for Holy Crap

my favorite illustrator right now is Marc Johns. his work may appear like little doodles, but as I was going through his flickr I kept gasping in amazement with each new image; they are consistently some of the purest concepts, cohesive, and creative ideas I've ever seen. his words:"I generally aim to say as much as possible with as few elements as possible. My work often leans toward humour. Finding the humour in things often leads to finding the truth."











you been messin' with my mind, to waste my time is most unkind
I got better things to do than to play these pointless games with you

Flight of the Picas

1 stubborn bitch + 1 wacom tablet + photoshop + 30 hours of work=


I drew it all by hand. the background and text alone took 20 hours.

click to see them larger

Kina also made an amazing ad with the other half of the class "Pushing Daisies" style. I'll post it later.

so yeah, we finished the yearbook today!



picas is a unit of measurement

bum sex in a hot tub

I saw Tegan and Sara again, this time at Davis. I was very unsatisfied with the seat I was assigned when they were at the Zelarbach last December. Turtle and I were able to weasel our way to the front with only one or two people in front of us. the concert was excellent, much better than their last show, everything that happened between the songs was hilarious, and we could actually see!
Sara wore a visor with a shark on it during the encore to apologize for her comments about the Calgary Flames beating the San Jose Sharks in game seven the next day, though that kind of blew up when she reiterated her belief again during the apology. I love them anyway.

game seven was yesterday. San Jose won. yey Sharkys!




dark you can't come soon enough for me.
saved from one more day of misery.

eating stars VII

random thoughts between the hours of 8:24 and 10:24 PM

8:24: I love singing. right now I'm singing with Amanda and Abby and Jesca hoop in Feel From the Outside in. it's so pretty. I'm going to sing in the city with Stuart.

8:25: the key board feels like a mountain under my hands growing upwards. like from earthquakes or something

8:26 This song is so long

8:26: you'd except Sledgehammer to be more intense.

8:31: so not intense. I had no thoughts during that whole thing.

8:32: the Roches have such amazing voices

8:32: I started typing boyfriends instead of voices.

8:46: I'm so bad at guitar right now

8:51 I'm having that thing where I can't type and keep repeating mistakes.

8:54: JNS722 (8:54:09 PM): it's going to be amaamamamaamaaamzing

8:59: the E chord sounds so sad, but it's supposed to be so happy. or maybe I'm tuning it or playing it wrong.

9:14: I so can't hear my guitar properly right now.

9:15: the key board still feels weird

9:17: I wish I had nice problems. but I'm still paying my dues

9:20: I would let her do my senior portraits. http://www.flickr.com/photos/breathoflife/

9:22: I'm afraid to lie down because I'll fall asleep

9:23: I love it when music can make me move like that

9:27: I'm dancing among the stars

9:31: luckily, all the cool girls are lesbians.

9:32: (that seemed so long)
I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger.
I wish that I knew what I know now what I was stronger.

I used to think that a lot
but lately I haven't.
this is a great time

9:35: I wonder who really reads this

9:37: why is my neck so weird

9:37: why is this taking so long
but so short

9:39: O MAN I WANT DESSERT SO BAD

9:40: I'm getting food

9:41:JNS722 (9:40:49 PM): i want food
ElizaLoaiza (9:40:58 PM): ohhhhh
ElizaLoaiza (9:41:03 PM): I think
ElizaLoaiza (9:41:05 PM): I want
ElizaLoaiza (9:41:13 PM): stapler
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

9:41: hello, my name is Esteban de la Sex Face. that means Steven of the Sex Face.

9:42: there once was a rapping tomato
that's right I said rapping tomato
he rapped all the way from april to may
and also guess what it was me

ok getting food now. I keep typing good instead of food. I did it again! food is good.

9:45: I got semi sweet chocolate chips. so many.

9:47: o my god so many

9:50: o man maybe too many

9:54: how does everyone know this song is about lesbians, how can they tell? why is this song so long! I was so sure it was over!

9:55: so long

9:59: ElizaLoaiza (9:57:52 PM): moo
JNS722 (9:58:21 PM): baa
JNS722 (9:58:29 PM): guess what i am
ElizaLoaiza (9:58:34 PM): GOOOT
ElizaLoaiza (9:58:41 PM): MEOOW
JNS722 (9:58:56 PM): what's a gooot
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:01 PM): remember
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:04 PM): mom said goot
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:08 PM): instead of goat
JNS722 (9:59:18 PM): i'm a sheep
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:27 PM): well I'm a kitty
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:29 PM): and I ate you
ElizaLoaiza (9:59:49 PM): and then a kitty poacher killed me
ElizaLoaiza (10:00:06 PM): oh wait i went out of order

10:01: people don't understand what it's like.

10:05: I finished the chocolate chips

10:08: Jethro Tull

10:11: I think she's in the sea for part of Hide and Seek

10:12: then by a street

10:13: then going into a cellar

10:14 still so long but so short
especially

10:16: I miss her. still.

10:21: yes

10:22 I kinda miss the chocolate chips. and this is taking a while.

10:22: o no! it's 24, I thought it was 26!
I'm almost done! this is one of my last ones!

10:23: well, adu, I hope this will be enjoyable

12:24: once upon a time there was
moses
yes. the end.



that took so long. but kinda fast actually.

flower kisser part II

today the baby humming birds flew away. I took this about a week ago, and by now they could barely both fit in the nest, less than the length of my pinkie finger.





they could float above the grass in circles if they tried

even second violin, which should just not happen

my boss showed us this at the cafe over the summer when we were listening to classical radio one day. if I could write, I would write a song to these chords.




this town seems hardly worth our time

the smell of ink

my idea for my first tattoo is a scribbly scratchy stylized silhouette of a crow flying in profile. it would be on my inside upper arm or the inside of my foot. this morning I thought of my second. I've always wanted something that would be really cohesive, like part of my body. one of my friends has three feathers across the top of her foot, and then feathers going up across her hand and arm. she got the inspiration for it from a painting by one of her favorite artists. I started to think of some of my favorite pieces of works, and almost immediately came to mind a new piece from one of my favorite photographers on deviantArt and flickr, Mirjan. she creates amazing self portraits, with some of the most original and creative poses and and concepts I've ever seen on these websites. one of her newest series was immediately one of my favorite from her, and the inspiration for my new tattoo idea. two fallen leaves going up my chest and neck. this is obviously not something I will rush into, it's a very large idea, and I'm definitely going to think about it for a year or two.




while writing this I also had another idea for a tattoo, the lone cypress going up my lower to middle back. the lone cypress on the 17-mile drive is the most photographed tree in the world, and it is also my mother's (who's name is Tree) favorite tree. her favorite necklace is one of the lone cypress that her mother gave her when she came out to visit sometime before I was born. my mother's camp name is also cypress. with this idea I could unify all my ideas, by having cypress leaves, and crows in or flying around the tree. (plus it kinda looks like the African trees in the Lion King)






leafs.