get a life

I feel like the past few days I haven't been able to come up with a good post that had insight on anything interesting. I've also felt like the past few days I've been acting much happier. not necessarily feeling happier, but acting like it, which is a step in the right direction. I've been shooting photos, playing guitar, singing, even drawing. since I've been acting like I'm in a such a better mood, it seems like it'd make sense that I'd be able to write really cool stuff here too. maybe, though, since I've been doing all these things and getting to sleep earlier, I've been putting more into living a real life, and not one on the internet. which is good. but since my signature is self sabotage, I won't just leave it at that and get to bed early again: I'll tell you about my real life, in doing so, ending it. (but just for now hopefully.)
yesterday, I donated blood. you say, "do you weigh enough?" and I say, "fuck you, I'm trying to do a nice thing and that's all you can think of?" yes, I'm small. I don't have a problem, I like my body to a relatively amazing extent considering I'm an american teenage girl. it's just people never say, "you're so pretty" or "you have such a nice figure." they just tell me I'm small and skinny. but I digress. so no, I don't actually know if I weigh more than 110 pounds, which was the cut off. I don't have a scale in my house, so I don't know my true weight (which considered in the morning, after you go to the bathroom, but before you eat) but I know it's somewhere around 110, give or take a few pounds. I just feel like giving blood is something everyone should do if they can, and I don't think a pound or two is a good enough reason to stop me. I hate needles going in me, I almost had a panic attack before my last shot, but again, not a good enough reason to stop me, I just didn't watch. right afterward I felt fine, I thought I'd just grab some cheeze its and water bottles and go back to class, but they told me I had to sit for fifteen minutes. I was talking to Kellie and Jane, and I kept feeling shittier and shittier, like I couldn't even make it up the stairs to get back to class. I was drinking some water, then everything started getting black like I was having a bad head rush, then there were some blurry people putting wet paper towels on my face and asking me if I was ok. they told me I had passed out, and I realized I was lying on my back, and a woman was rocking my knees back and fourth. she asked my if my face hurt. "why?" "because you fell on it" then I realized my cheek bone was throbbing. it's weird that something like fall off a chair flat on my face didn't wake me up before the doctors did... and later Kellie told me I had hit my head on a box while I was falling too, which explains the red thing and what feels like a bruise on my head. I felt sooooo shitty for a minute or two while I was still lying there, but it passed, and I was better pretty fast. while I was still feeling horrible though, I think they were making jokes. I say I think, because I couldn't tell if they were being serious or not. one of the women said, "at least you made a crash sound" which confused me a lot, but she said some people pass out while they're lying on the chair/bed/couch thing, so they don't know, and apparently my fall made a really loud noise. so that's pretty much all of the interesting bits. they filled out paper work, thanks to Andrew Sutherland who got me some water and my phone, and sorry, Maria, that I couldn't go into work. I felt kinda bad that I had freaked everyone out like that. like in hind site, I don't really mind that it happened, I'm not surprised at all, and I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling completely normal again by tomorrow, but I feel like the worst thing that I could have experienced is seeing someone fall off a chair and land on their face. so, sorry about that guys... over all, it was a great experience, and I don't regret a thing, because my blood saved someone's life

but you should still always give blood when you can! it was a great experience, because my blood saved someone's life


"so, can I go back to class now?"
"yeah sure, we've determined that you're pretty much alive"